spaces_between | This isn't the Little Mermaid

[He hadn't considered himself and Steve to be anything close to mate pairs because males were not aggressors in his world. They showed up at the great currents when the season was right and performed all the tests same as the women, judged by the matriarchs who were no longer able to breed. Their performances, skills and survival instincts would win them the attention of potentials. He was too young to be considered to be anything but a gangling youth, not yet mature or worth considering.

Steve never made him feel too young. They were very similar in age and while Steve physically didn't show it, the other boy was clearly in the same sort of oddly gangling youth stage, not yet considered a man completely. Steve was the only thing on the land that he cared about.

He shivered at the stroke to his scales, his eyes half-closing in pleasure as the muscles contracted beneath his hide.]

We swim the great and most difficult currents in groups. And if a male performs well and proves himself, a female might approach in interest. They will court with kisses and rubbing scales, and she will decide if it is a match. [Even in the dark and for the first time, his cheeks flushed bright pink.] ...and matches twine together and make babies.

[ Steve considered that for a long moment, stopping his stroking as he thought of that, an odd sort of heartache in his chest when he realized that yes, this would be part of how it would go.

Bucky would find a female he liked, and make babies with her -- Steve could never get between that. He wouldn't want to. He took in that pretty blush on his face, tempted to kiss it away or make it darker, and he thought of him and another female locked together in a mating dance.

Was he jealous? Maybe a little bit. A very little bit. Carefully, he asked. ] Would you like to have some someday? Babies, I mean.

[He rubbed his cheek quite suddenly on Steve's shoulder as if that might remove the pigment from his skin. His tail also tightened around the other boy's waist, and he quickly retrieved the last half of the orange and began to pull it apart into its separate slices for something to do.]

Me? I'm not sure. There's never a guarantee to being picked as a match. Female family groups are very... independent and protective of one another.

[He suddenly looked at Steve, aware that human mating worked differently. He hadn't seen it, but there had been a few close calls where a male and female had fumbled with their clothes under a bridge.] What about humans? Are you going to make babies when a female picks you?

No one's going to pick me. [ Steve told him wryly, like it's a fact of life, and it is. No one wanted someone small and sick; everyone wanted the handsome ones, the solid, strong ones who could keep them safe. He knew it, of course; it was hard not to.

He snuggled closer, starting up to stroke his scales again, the smoothness of it, sleek and slippery. He thought of Bucky's world, where he'd come from, and he frowned; it seemed weirdly lop-sided. ]

Can't you pick anyone?

But you have so much... um survival strength. [He wasn't certain that was the right term in the human language, but Steve had proven himself over and over to not be able to stand down from a fight. Surely that refusal would be attractive to a female? It wasn't just about physical qualities after all.

He tilted his head at the question and then offered Steve a slice of orange before chewing on one himself, contemplating the answer. His scales were softening under Steve's grip as they almost finished drying out.]

No, males are not allowed to pick a female. They occasionally form um... bachelor groups. I heard songs of males practicing mating with each other so they would know what to do in case they were chosen.

[ Steve took the orange with a quiet word of thanks, his hand resting on his drying scales as he took that little fact in. It astounded him how vast his culture was, how different it was from his own, and it fascinated him.

He smiled just a little. ] Males can't be with males here. [ He exhaled. leaning his head against Bucky's. ] They say it's wrong, and you get punished for it.

[ But how wrong could it be, when he felt so strongly for this boy with him? ]

[He had known and watched Steve enough to know what those little smiles really meant. They were opposite to what they were supposed to, like when Steve picked fights over cats or the abuse of a matriarch.

Instead, he peered at Steve for a long moment, chewing thoughtfully on his orange.]

You can't make babies with another male, but how will you know what to do with a female that chooses you if you've never practiced? At least, that's the argument I've heard. [There was not particular punishment though for his people.]

Do you throw punches at those people who say it's wrong too? You look like you disagree.

Yeah, I do. [ More often than not, really -- Steve hated it; whose business was it, what people did in the privacy of their homes? Steve took a piece of his own orange, mildly embarrassed at that question. Making babies with a girl?

Not to say that he hadn't thought about it, really; but still. Gotta have a girl who liked you enough to want to do it with, and Steve hadn't yet found the right partner.

He blinked. Wait a minute. ] Do... the females and males have the same parts? In your world?

[He was not surprised at all by Steve's admittance, amused that the other boy would fight anything, probably even a stiff wind. It was very attractive, that fighting spirit, even if Steve was physically unable to do much about whatever fight was engaged.

He leaned in between finishing off the orange in his hands to nuzzle Steve's cheek when he sensed that the topic wasn't entirely a pleasant one. Steve was perhaps considered too small for a human male to have a mate?

He tilted his head in confusion at the question.] Same parts? We have tails and arms and voices...?

[ It was difficult, getting Bucky away from SHIELD's curious eyes, keeping his secret -- and after the horror of seeing his beloved mangled so by HYDRA's scientists, there was a near constant curl of aggression, a ferocious protectiveness that kept Fury from demanding that Bucky stayed in their custody.

Bucky had suffered enough, been through enough; and all of the questions they had could be shelved for another day. Or never. He had kept his silence all the way home, and now that he was bigger than him, he'd insisted on carrying him back -- Bucky was still getting his bearings back, and Steve refused to let him on his feet until he was feeling much better.

He'd thought that Bucky was dead, had grieved, had thought that the icy waters of the Arctic would be his own final resting place; it was, after all, a part of Bucky's home, and even if he had been lost on land, they could have been together forever. But clearly, fate had different planes.

Fate had brought Bucky back to him, very much the worse for wear, but they were going to work through this together. Bucky smelled of oranges and blood, the way he had before; Steve had made sure that he'd brought oranges when they'd met again, and again, Steve determined to kickstart his memory, so make sure he remembered him. The bracelet he'd given Bucky was missing, but it didn't matter -- they could always get another.

And so Bucky had started to live in Steve's home, hopefully adjusting as best as he could, and after the first shaky few days, Steve finally broached the subject. ]

Bucky, would you like a bath?

No, I mean --

[ Steve's cheeks heated up, embarrassed as he nuzzled him back, his hand finding his so that their fingers could twine together. No, it wasn't a pleasant topic, but Steve was used to it. He cleared his throat, then tried again. ]

Reproductive parts. How did you do that with a male and replicate it with a female?

[Oh...!

He knew what that meant now, though his face flushed again the same as Steve's. He gave a small anxious laugh to dispel that sensation because he knew that he could tell Steve anything, just as the other boy could him.

His scales were soft and pliable, absorbing slowly down into tougher human skin, the dark colouration giving way to the pale upper body-like skin.]

We have different parts. I don't know the words in English... I um... Males have outside parts, and females have inside parts and to make babies, males go inside females.

But males -- [ Even in his own embarrassment, Steve couldn't help but notice just how cute Bucky was when he blushed -- they were hopelessly young, he thought; and without thinking he shrugged off his thin coat.

He was noticing it, the way the scales slid away to reveal naked human skin, and a soft cock nestled in dark curls that he had to fight to look away from. What was Bucky like, he wondered, when he was caught up in pleasure? Did he know what it was, even now?

He gently put his jacket over Bucky's lap. ] -- how do you decide which one is the girl? Which one of the males takes it?

[The ability to tolerate being poked, prodded, examined, and asked questions had long ago become something that he was used to. There was a tolerance for the rituals of self-assessment and human greed that he had shouldered and ignored any fierce response to for many, many years. Disobedience earned punishment, but even that had earned little of his regard after awhile, just the cold shoulder and his ignoring them but still being pliable enough for examination.

Pliable and reasonable enough to take an order and complete it was all that HYDRA wanted of him. SHIELD was far more complicated, asking for things that he didn't remember, curious of him but uncertain how to proceed when he didn't give up many secrets as he was.

Steve had taken him in, the only safe place in his world of continual change. He was supposed to be the order amid the chaos, but for once, he was in that whirlwind and unable to escape and his own choice was to grasp onto Steve. There were no orders, no cold to sink into, no strange chemicals that was but wasn't water that allowed him to dream of dark placed under the waves that made little sense. He was waiting for something, though he didn't know what that was.

He lurked in his usual corner of the room, his gaze settled on his wrist as if recognizing that something was missing but uncertain what that was. His blue eyes flicked up to pin Steve at the question and the disquiet that came with it. Bathing was something done standing, his legs parted wide (sometimes comically so), but he had been impressed with the importance of cleanliness.]

Yes, I should be clean. Once a day while in active service.

[This was what he liked the most, the awkwardness of youth that he could share with Steve despite the chance that they aged differently. The other boy was as awkward as he, and there was a simple joy in exploring their world together with blushes and laughter that so often he didn't find alone traveling the waterways.

His legs came as they did when he was completely dry, but they separated from each other last in the process. They were long and muscular, and he tilted his head when Steve covered his nudity. He didn't understand human preference for cloth aside from for warmth.]

Well... I don't really know. I've never practiced with a boy before. [He paused, picking at his lower lip with his clawed fingers for a moment before smiling at Steve.] The more dominant one must play the female role. How does it work with humans?

[ Steve decided that the entire underwater world was the exact opposite of the one above the water -- the dynamics of females and males were fascinating, and he found that he liked the former much better.

He continued to share, enjoying the time that he had with him, the easy affection and intimacy that rose between them. And it was good, right? They were both boys, exploring and new to all of this, at least together they had a better collective idea of the whole thing. ] The female is more passive. Males are supposed to be the stronger ones. I think -- a lot of them think the weaker males should play the female role.

[The more he was learning, the more opposite it did seem to him as well. It didn't seem that odd that they found one another's worlds very interesting and worth learning about. For him, he could be a far better hunter than he was. For Steve, he was certain that the other boy was curious of a world under the water.

He shifted his legs, drawing them out from around Steve and sitting up more, curling them under his weight so he was kneeling. He kept the jacket around his waist with a hand and used the other to smooth Steve's hair affectionately.] Do you want to play a female role? Are you limited by what your society deems you to be? You don't seem like that kind of male.

I want to be your type of female.

[ He said without thinking. Because there was nothing wrong with being female, and Steve was aggressive, as fierce as they came, and he leaned into Bucky's touch, rubbing against his hand as he came closer. Bucky was taller than him like this, but it didn't matter.

He met his eyes steadily, a hand moving to rest on Bucky's stomach; missing the way Bucky was curled around him. He wanted to be strong, to protect the people who needed protecting -- and there were so many of them in Brooklyn. ]

Bucky, you're not in active service anymore. You can choose when you want to bathe. [ Steve tried very hard not to let that get to him, the way the instructions were still so clearly embedded in his psyche and his consciousness. Bucky had moments like these, of course; plenty of them, and it was all Steve could do not to head out to systematically and thoroughly dismantle HYDRA all at once.

Well, he did his level best, and had been far more productive in the last few weeks than ever before. But more than that, he was inseparable from Bucky, unwilling to leave his side -- SHIELD personnel learned not to ask; not even Clint or Natasha. He did not want pliant, reasonable Bucky, he wanted his old friend, his lover and soulmate back. He wanted him to come back to him.

He noticed it, the way Bucky looked down at his wrist, and felt his heart break, just a little. But then again, heartbreak was always the staple of the day. He frowned, looking down at him before holding his hand out to lead him to it. ]

How did they bathe you? [ How did they stop him from turning? ]

Edited 2015-03-22 01:48 (UTC)

As long as I'm awake, I'm in active service. [Besides, there was something akin to comforting when the water - hot or cold - passed over his skin. He felt like he could breathe deeply for the first time every single time that he stood for the spray down or a meaningful bathing experience. Always he stood for it.

Maybe it was the only simple pleasure that he was given, even if it hadn't meant more than maintenance to his keepers. His skin still came alive over his muscles, and all the lack of memories meant little then because something teased deep inside of him. It wasn't memory or want or rationalization. It was instinct that he was where he was at his best.

His fingers of his left hand clenched as he gave up his right hand to Steve and allowed himself to be lead to the bathroom. He stepped inside without complaint, having been here more often than not for maintenance.]

Standing. I often braced my hands on the wall and required my legs spread apart so I could be sprayed down or washed by another. When the black came in, bathing was stopped. I could be what I am under my skin on missions only.

[ The sound Steve made at that was entirely involuntary, as the rage curled in his chest, the pit of his stomach at the way Bucky was treated -- it was his fault, it was all his fault. If only he had gone back for Bucky, jumped in after him...

He shook his head and squeezed gently, putting two and two together. They made him forget, didn't he? They forced him to forget what he really was, and the guilt was unbearable. He stopped at the bathtub, where he'd already filled up the water for him, warm and filled with natural sea salt. Steve would not force him into it if he wasn't ready, and his heart was caught in his throat. ]

I drew you a bath. Are you okay with that?

Aggressive and making the final decision on who shall be yours then? I suppose that is not a bad way to live.

[It was also very backwards to how he had been raised, but he accepted all of Steve's rather odd notions. It pleased him all the same that Steve wanted to be his female, even if it really had to be the other way around. He would be chosen, and he would be both cowed and excited by the command to submit to the song of another.

He suspected that male-male relationships were a bit more mutual. It also probably involved a lot of fumbling at first.

Yet, James looked at Steve, and his clawed fingers walked up Steve's arm. He leaned in and nuzzled the other boy's cheek again.]

We can practice kissing when you like, so you'll be ready when the right female comes to choose you, yes?

[His nostrils flared to drink in the smell of moisture with a tinge of salt. He stood silent and still for a long moment, feeling the brush of something that no amount of electricity could burn from him. He couldn't name or even picture what it was that called to him, but it came with the scream of birds, the smell of rot, and the sound of water passing over stone in a soft shushed noise.

A bath. He couldn't remember having one before. That wasn't uncommon. The emptiness between his ears was often nothing to be concerned over.

He stepped around Steve and padded to the still water, tilting his head to one side and then to the other as he considered it.]

It's not big enough for the both of us. [His voice was flat, almost bridging on refusal. Showers they could stand and take it all in. This... he couldn't be with Steve, not easily and not well.] I won't go unless you do.

[ Steve swallowed, looking over at him -- Bucky had taken it well, very clearly, and with that he only got bolder. Seriously, Bucky, you should stop enabling him. And definitely, male-male relationships were a little more mutual, not that Steve would know anything about it.

But it's the comment that came after that got to him, because it felt like Bucky was happy to be a stand-in for someone else when it was the last thing Steve wanted. He didn't want this so he could be ready for a female. He wanted Bucky.

Frowning, Steve made a soft noise and decided to just jump in, to make it clear what he wanted, even if he wasn't entire clear about the specifics of it. ] No. I -- don't want you to think I'm using you. If we kiss, it means that I mean that. And that I'm not preparing for any female to come along in future. [ And he was afraid; he was afraid he'd lose Bucky if he said more, but he did anyway. ] I want you to know that I want the same from you, too.

[ Steve sensed it, and a part of him was heartened by the hint of refusal in his voice -- this meant that Bucky was getting better, getting more of himself back. It would take awhile, of course, but progress was progress.

He was studying him closely, watching every flicker of reaction with care, aware that he had to keep an eye on his every reaction. Nodding, he simply stepped over to the bathtub; it would be a little cramped for them with not much room to move, but if Bucky got on top of him, it would be all right.

Steve stripped, stepping into the water, and sat in the tub before he held his hand out to him. ] We'll make do. Come sit in my lap.

This isn't the Little Mermaid

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