He had kept to himself for the last two years, not coming in unnecessary contact with other people and striving for the sort of independence that had allowed him to survive. He knew very well how to feed, clothe and groom himself, but a lot of the social intricacies had been wiped away. He was used to commanding and blending in, not having a relatively normal conversation with another human being. This was as close to one as he had had in that time, with someone that he knew who could possibly talk to him about more than the weather and what day of the week it was.
Yet, this contact was such a comfort that he wondered why he had resisted for so long. He sank a little more into Steve's grip on him, his fingers slowly creeping over to curl around the other man's dirty shirt. "I can take care of myself," he growled, aware that Steve didn't mean it as if he required maintenance or coddling. He had spent seventy years being 'taken care of' with the Red Room and HYDRA, and he was not looking to lose anything close to his guarded independence. He had given himself up after all; he hadn't be taken prisoner or convinced to stand down. That he had done himself. "I can't... go back to being helpless, being just a machine. I have to... have control of my life."
But he had to have this contact he realized too as his right hand slipped a little up the edge of Steve's shirt to touch skin because he wanted to. He leaned into the fingers exploring him in return, drinking in the pleasant hum of his flesh in response to it. He experimented leaning in to lip at Steve's jaw, tipping his head to bump with the tip of his nose and exhale a warm breath. "Why do I want this simple contact like this?"
no subject
Yet, this contact was such a comfort that he wondered why he had resisted for so long. He sank a little more into Steve's grip on him, his fingers slowly creeping over to curl around the other man's dirty shirt. "I can take care of myself," he growled, aware that Steve didn't mean it as if he required maintenance or coddling. He had spent seventy years being 'taken care of' with the Red Room and HYDRA, and he was not looking to lose anything close to his guarded independence. He had given himself up after all; he hadn't be taken prisoner or convinced to stand down. That he had done himself. "I can't... go back to being helpless, being just a machine. I have to... have control of my life."
But he had to have this contact he realized too as his right hand slipped a little up the edge of Steve's shirt to touch skin because he wanted to. He leaned into the fingers exploring him in return, drinking in the pleasant hum of his flesh in response to it. He experimented leaning in to lip at Steve's jaw, tipping his head to bump with the tip of his nose and exhale a warm breath. "Why do I want this simple contact like this?"