Out of the freezer

[disassembling]

What: AU where The Winter Soldier is found by SHIELD before CA: TWS and settled in with an agent.
Warnings: Just tl;dr. It is my specialty.


Trains weren't generally a source of overland transport anymore, not with planes so conveniently available, but there were points where subtly was required more than quickness. There were less questions about trains, fewer looks with the amount of goods moved into a country so more was able to get through. It was easier to pay people off in shipping yards to look the other way while important items were shifted in and out.

If it had been known early in the process that his superiors had known that an agent had defected and tipped off that there were weapons being moved in from Russia, he would have been removed from the train. Too little, too late though, and the train was hit with SHIELD looking for both intelligence and weapons from the Soviets. It wasn't until a STRIKE team had made it towards the back of the train that some members suddenly realized that their mission had just gotten a lot more complicated.

Cryostasis was a process developed out of the 1940s, though perfected over the years by the Soviets first and then the Americans. Of course, it only worked on him, others never coming up from the surface again because their bodies were advanced enough to cope with the strain on the body and the healing powers required to make it back out of deep freeze. He was special because he was a weapon, made that way to survive the worst conditions. So he bubbled up as he was thawed from the inside out in a process that took hours generally but could be sped up.

Speeding up the process left him disoriented and intractable, irritated and violent. It was fine when enemies of the organization were kicking in the door and shooting the scientists in charge of thawing him. The damage was done though, the anti-freeze drug fast acting in his body as his muscles became suffused with warm blood and his lungs filling with a deep gasping breath as he arched, his blue eyes unfocused as men yelled orders, called in findings. It was all a blur to him.

Someone touched his cold flesh shoulder, but they were gone in the next minute as his metal arm swung around and slammed into the man's gut, blasting him away. He rolled from the chair, acting only on instinct as he grabbed the nearest object - metal table and threw it into a group of men raising their guns. He fought them; worse, he killed them until another team moved in and manhandled him to the ground. Someone did something; a familiar voice called a set of words that made him relax and stand down, so he did.

He was blind-folded, cuffed from wrist to elbow so his shoulders were forced to bow in awkwardly, but his legs were left free so that they could walk him into the SHIELD medical facility where many interested parties had gathered in the time it took to transport him. News had circulated and damage control had not been fast enough where the fact a man was found half-frozen on a train. If he had had his memories of his other life, he might have found it ironically he was found on a train.

The only words spoken above whispered tones was that there had been another similarly unfrozen a few years before. "Call them in. Maybe give us a clue on stabilizing this guy." He was pulled off, seated and chained to a bed in a padded room. With the blindfold off, he knew he could break down the door if he was ordered to. He was deemed too 'unstable' to be in a more populated area, so he was caged and observed.

Damage control indeed. Where were his orders and mission debriefings?

Comments

[disassembling]

He raised an eyebrow at her, a far more human gesture than he was known for. He would have felt bad for her if she had any idea of the kind of things he had experienced to make him what he was now, but even he didn't entirely remember it. That was the point though, to grind his edge sharp but not give him reason to turn on anyone unless ordered to. He could think and reason on missions, but he wasn't allowed to malfunction without serious consequences.

He turned his head to eye the agent that seemed intent on leading him to a new cage. It was easier to stare at the man then look at her and know her disappointment with how little he knew of her. "If... I remember, will you fill in the blanks?" He knew he would have many of them, many empty spaces that would make swallowing the memories difficult and confusing.

"I'll be patient as long as I know you'll come back," he murmured and turned his body to follow along. He wondered if they were going to put him in cuffs again or just watch him pace or stare at walls.

[eleutheria]

Maybe one day she was going to be able to ask him what had happened to him and what had been done to him, once she felt it was appropriate enough to ask for such things and at the moment it was better not to do it, even though Fury had asked her to try to find about that, but she wasn’t ready to explore that just yet and was going to do so at her own time, like she tended to do with certain things.

“If you truly wish to have those blanks filled, I will.” And of course she was going to do so, but only if she knew the information wasn’t going to cause an overload or something along those lines, the restoration of his memories was something that she needed to work on slowly and carefully, she didn’t wanted him to have more than what he could deal with. “I will always come back, Buck, or at least I will try damn hard to do so.”

And she really didn’t want to think what was going to happen in the case scenario that she didn’t. While they followed the agent, she immediately noticed they were being led through a different path than what she was used and she took the time to memorize this new path. They were finally led to the new place he was going to be staying now, well it was bigger than the last one, still padded and whatever little furniture clearly bolted to the floor, she turned to look at the agent for a few seconds. “I’m going to stay here for a bit, I think you will know when to come for me right?” There was a small nod, before the door was closed and she was left there with Bucky.

[disassembling]

He would try to answer any questions that she asked of him, though his memory was still hazy at best. While he didn't remember it explicitly, he had gone to be wiped before he had been frozen, had been bridling and chewing the bit a little too much to safely go on another mission. However, as it always was, the longer he was out of cryostasis, the more unstable his training was unless a handler had direct involvement with him, reinforcing behaviours and limiting the downtime for him. Here all he had was down time.

He nodded his head at the assurances that she would fill in blanks for him, aware that she was probably the only one who could and would. He narrowed his eyes though at her words, fists clenching at his sides. "Keep it as 'always', and I will be content to do nothing in a cage. If it's just 'try hard', I will only last so long before I go searching."

He walked placidly down the hallways, ignoring the agents that all had their guns out and tracking his movements. They weren't a threat to him, so he pushed them out of his awareness as he followed and when they arrived, he stepped into his new cage without complaint. He wandered the periphery of it and then seated himself on the edge of the bed, folding his hands in his lap. "Do you go on a lot of missions?"

[eleutheria]

She really tried not to sigh at him and she managed to keep it from happening. “Bucky, you know how you can’t control everything on missions and how sometimes things can’t get out of control no matter how much you prepare for it.” And God, didn’t she knew about it, such things had happened to them in the past while they were searching for the Hydra bases with the commandos. “…things that can end with stalling things or with your life.”

And while she had the serum and an accelerated healing, which came really in handy for her, it didn’t meant that she was invincible and that she couldn’t be killed, it will be a hard task but she was sure that she could die if someone was either persistent or aimed at a good point on her, she was sure a well placed shot (s) on any major organs could kill her.

She watched him wander the cage and didn’t moved till he settled on the bed, she moved to take the only chair in the place since at the moment it was better to keep some distance between them just in case. “Hmm, I am just starting again so I am not sure yet.” Though she was more than sure she was going to be sent on as many missions as they could manage to slip her in.

[disassembling]

"I don't have that problems. Missions don't fail when I'm on them," he said softly, his eyes glazed as he thought back over the bits and pieces he knew about. No, missions might not go without as planned, but he was fast and strong and no target had ever escaped him. He came and went as a ghost did, a fable and a tale and then slipped back for pick up. If he had failed a mission, he didn't remember it. "You won't die. You heal too quickly."

He knew that wasn't entirely true. If her head was removed, her heart shot, her brain mashed, gutted, and all manner of horrible deaths... she could die. He didn't think she allowed herself to be in that position because he didn't. He was a weapon, and he wasn't allowed chinks in his armour. He was as close to invincible as one game for an assassin.

Slowly, his eyes flicked to watch her sit, and he accepted the distance as much as he would accept if she came close. Those things didn't bother him. "Why did you stop? Or perhaps... why did you start again?"

[eleutheria]

She didn’t showed any surprise about that comment, she already was more than aware that he had never failed a mission or according to S.H.I.E.L.D and who they had figured he was never had, he was efficient and quick about, enough to be considered a ghost or a legend. “I am sure that you don’t, but still those things tend to happen, rarely but they do.” It had happened to her in this first mission and she will need to work on that. “…I’m not invincible, Bucky, I’m still a human and I can die.”

And yes, she was pretty damn hard to kill and she rarely ever allowed the opening for such a thing to happen, but then she was also a protector and reckless sometimes, with a bit of a complex to place the well being of the people under her orders, her watch and protection over her own, enough to put her life on the line for their sake, she had done it for Bucky and the rest of the commandos, she had done it for the person that had messed up things for them, if Bucky was still as he was before he would have yelled at her for it.

She was quiet for a bit, pondering on the most appropriate answer for those questions and how she could answer them properly. “I guess you can say I was out of commission for a bit…” more like for seventy years frozen in chunk of ice, but he didn’t needed to know that. “…and I was given time to get better from that before I started with missions again.”

[disassembling]

No, she wasn't invincible with that sort of opinion, but he said nothing about it either. One was only as invincible as they were made and felt, and while he felt very little, his conditioning had made him very invincible. Even right now, he could set about the destruction of this place and go trotting off until a handler found him and brought him back in line with the right phrases and hand motions. One didn't reason with the Winter Soldier; they conditioned and then commanded him.

However, something didn't feel right about that anymore, like he had blinked his eyes and woken up in a different world. Stephanie never gave him any phrases or cues, never commanded him or hit him to get him into position for more training. She treated him without fear and without awe. He simply was to her, and that treatment found odd cracks in his armour, worked like little worms in his psyche.

"Do you get a choice about your missions?" He got to choose what weapon to use, what route to take, how to handle resistance. The mission itself was not something he chose.

[eleutheria]

He really didn’t needed to said anything, she noticed the brief look of disapproval, as fast as it was, when she mentioned not being invincible and she knew that probably in whatever mind frame he had been forced to have, having such thoughts were frown upon and probably punished. But they were different and she was quite aware of her limits and how to work around them to keep herself alive while on the field, and really sometimes the biggest danger for her was her instinctive nature and reactions when it came to certain things.

She wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to understand that again or at least when it came to her, but then the idea that she was invincible and that nothing could take her down was apparently an opinion that was shared by a lot of people, maybe it was better that way or not, she still couldn’t be sure.

“If you mean about picking a mission, no, that’s just assigned and I go where they ask me to go.” And that hadn’t changed and she doubted it ever will, seemed to be standard procedure for every organization out there. “But in other things, like weaponry, strategy, final calls if needed and sometimes team members, yes I do get to have a choice.”

[disassembling]

For a long moment, he considered her words, probably far longer than a man required for it. His thoughts drifted over their similarities, and there was an odd comfort to knowing that they were in this room together but the same. He might not consider that much more was difference, that there was a distinct lack of punishment and training, but it was similar enough that his mind latched onto it and pulled it in.

"You have few limits and you've assigned missions without question," he said softly and turned his head to look at her. His expression was still neutral, his eyes flicking to where she had been injured and wondering if it was healed now. "You're like me," he finally added softly. "A weapon to point at the enemy. It's... nice not being alone."

[eleutheria]

While he seemed to be considering and processing her words, she took the time to check on the wound on her left flank, her fingers lightly pressed and the pain was bearable it was just a mild burn that she could deal with and the blood had apparently stopped, which meant her healing was close with mending her up and she will have to ignore the trip to medical (maybe just to check on a teammate) and then move right on to meet up with Fury.

Her hands fell to her sides and her head quickly looked up at that comment about being the same, she hadn’t realized that her answer could be taken in that context to him and she supposed that maybe in some aspects they were, her original purpose was to be a weapon after all, a perfect soldier and the big surprise to turn the war around, but they were not the same either, she had her freedom and free will while he had been robbed of that.

“…I suppose that if you want to see it that way, we are the same in certain aspects.” And it really was a rather complicated matter if she were to explain it and she was tired at the moment, in the past they have been more like similar with being equals in every aspect and at the moment she couldn’t say they were at that point, she looked at him for a few seconds. “And you’re not going to be alone anymore, Bucky.”

[disassembling]

He didn't think that he had ever had a handler in another weapon before, but it made sense that she would know him best and utilize him well enough. She was one of the only people who had given him a name so freely after all, and that was clearly some kind of odd trust that happened between weapons molded from a similar material. That was good; he relaxed along his shoulders in knowing that she had to admit they were similar.

"It sounds more than similar," he murmured softly though he made no fuss over her apparent refusal to completely acknowledge it. "I remember something... someone said the illusion of freedom is best done by the idea someone has choices." He tilted his head a little. "I don't remember who said it though." Like so many things, he grasped small glimpses and nothing more.

"And yet you'll have to leave me on another mission again soon, won't you?"

[eleutheria]

She couldn’t help the small twitch of her lips at his soft murmur and the tone, oh she had heard that tone before in the past, Bucky had used it on occasion in some of their discussions, it felt rather familiar and comfortable, she couldn’t help but to give in just a bit. “Mhm, I suppose it does.”

There was a small moment of silence and she pondered on those words for a bit. “I am sure you’re going to be able to remember things eventually, give it some time.” And well she couldn’t say that she knew of someone in specific that had said that, she had read about some point of view called incompatibilism that said something similar, maybe someone in the past had told him that.

Her heart clenched a bit at that question and she tilted her head a bit. “Would you prefer it if I stayed with you instead?”

[disassembling]

He knew that he would remember the longer that he was out of cryostasis. When he was haunting this place after his escape to find her, someone had said it was probably some kind of memory surge and he'd do that on occasion as he stabilized and fought old conditioning. HE didn't want anything complicated, just wanted to face the memories with her around. He didn't think that was a horrible thing to ask. So he knew the memories would come in their own way.

He glanced at her and then over to the new observation window, though he saw no people in it. He suspected there were people there, so he shrugged his shoulders. "Yes, but I know missions don't work that way. I'll be left here and you'll go, but maybe this time you'll come back when it hurts."

[eleutheria]

No, they didn’t and with S.H.I.E.L.D finally having her where they wanted her, they were not about to ease their hold on her just yet and were going to take as much advantage as they could for the time being, slowly easing her in with what were supposed to be simple mission before she went to the bigger and more important ones. “I’m sorry, the only thing I can do is inform you beforehand so you’re aware that I won’t be able to drop by and see you.”

A small frown appeared on her face. “I don’t want the process to bring you any pain, Bucky.” She bit her lip and looked away for a few seconds. “That’s the last thing I want, if I am the reason those memories are coming too quickly and bringing you any discomfort maybe we can limit our interactions.”

Really she didn’t wanted to do that, but she had to take into account that his mind was probably in a fragile state still and she wasn’t sure what regaining his memories to quickly could do to him, if it could destabilize him or not, with a small sigh she turned to look to him. “Do you think that might help you in trying to keep the pain memories might bring?”

[disassembling]

He knew that and didn't think that anyone owed him any sort of apology over it. He knew that there was nothing to do be done when orders were received, and he knew that better than most. It was a pity he would no longer be receiving orders for missions himself, but he accepted that as well. "That's fine," he agreed.

He glanced aside, staring at the floor for a few moments as he gathered his thoughts, finding it strange to have them so often when she was around. She expanded his little dark world, and in return, he felt like he was slowly uncurling from a dark place. "Being filled up sometimes comes with pain," he replied simply. "Pain brings order, and my memories have to fall into order before I know what I can do with them."

His head snapped around quickly at her offer to stay away, and his eyes narrowed dangerously. "I can take the pain," he replied coldly. "I remember pain, but I can handle it. I always do, but you leaving will be worse."

[eleutheria]

She knew he didn’t required an apology from her, he had made it clear that she didn’t needed to apologize to him, but it was something she couldn’t prevent doing so, it was part of her manners sometimes and she couldn’t change it. “Alright, in the case I can’t come to let you know I have to leave, I will make sure someone else will inform you about it.” And she will have to make sure it will be someone that will deliver the information properly and to let him know when she might be back or when anything out of the ordinary happened.

The fact that he was apparently so used and maybe even expecting the pain made her a bit angry, she knew that pain wasn’t something that should be so strange in their worlds, but from the way he talked about it, such things had been used as the main tool to shape him and bend him to other’s wills, so she had all the more reason to try to avoid doing the same, to try and break him out of the expecting pain wherever he did something wrong or the like.

“I don’t want you to deal with the pain if it can be avoided, I am aware that pain has probably been a constant in your world and with whoever you were before, but it’s something that’s not going to happen here.” Or at least not consciously, she was going to make damn sure no one hurt him even if that meant that she had to leave him alone for a bit.

[disassembling]

He figured that had her word enough that she would make efforts not to strain the little trust he had in her. There were few who lived to betray his trust, limited though it was. He actually surprised himself in realizing that he was capable of trusting, that the weeks in isolation and anger and confusion had broken through a little of the conditioning that made him relatively nothing but an object to be commanded. "I... accept your terms," he finally said softly, nodding his head.

Pain was a part of him, and he didn't fear it. His flesh might have feared it, might have remembered it well and shivered or trembled, but he thought it a purely physical reaction. He simply accepted pain, screamed it out when he had to and went back to being what he was supposed to be. The fact she might not want him in pain confused him. It was part of his life.

"Pain loosens up things that have no place in my training," he said slowly, tasting the words. He felt... angry about it though, and that had never happened before. Why was he angry? "You don't know that for certain either. These people who observe me will make a decision on me and inflict what they need to in order to keep me molded a certain way."

[eleutheria]

She smiled just a bit at that, since it was a rather significant thing and it was a sign of trust she supposed, she was probably the only person in this place he trusted at the moment and now she realized the huge weight that was on her shoulders and how much she will have to work on keeping that trust and not lose by someone’s else mistake or worse something she might accidentally do, the first step will be to ensure that she didn’t failed in this first promise she had made to him.

Another spark of anger at that, it was aimed at whoever had brought and made pain a normal and expected state on Bucky’s life, they better hope to God that if she found them she managed to reign her anger and not act recklessly, something she might be quite capable of doing on very rare occasions. “They will not hurt you, I will make sure of that and they know better than to even try it.” They will have to get over her first and if that ended with busting Bucky out of here, she was very well going to do it. “I know that pain as a normal tool used against you has regretfully turned into part of your life and routine, but I am really going to try with all I have to keep them from hurting you.”

She was more than aware that they were listening to them and that Fury was going to end hearing about this, but she didn’t care, she had already made it clear to Fury that Bucky was not to be hurt in anyway if it was to be avoided if they wanted her full cooperation to whatever they might want to do with her.

[disassembling]

He watched the anger flick across her face, and he sat a little taller on the edge of the bed that was now his for the time being. He was relatively unmoved by emotions, siphoning them off as something that clouded one's judgement at the best of times, but he knew he felt it too sometimes. It surged and boiled in him, but it was quick, brutal and often deadly. Her anger was there and then gone, and he felt his eyebrows knitting together at the idea that she was angry because he knew what pain was for and how it was used. Did she really struggle with the concept?

"You're... going to keep them from training me?" Because pain was in some regards part of his training, and it wasn't just mental either. Physical pain came with training, with improving his skills even if it was simply the bloated kick-back of a new rifle that he hadn't braced for. Pain and training often went hand and hand so the idea of it not being there was odd. "I won't let them hurt you either then," he added slowly. It seemed... fair.

He rose from his seat and turned to face the observation window straight on. He clenched his metal arm, and the roomed filled with the sound of the plates shifting and interlocking. "Do you hear me, agents? If she's experiences pain, I will return it to you."

[eleutheria]

Quite clearly she will need to think better about how she expressed certain things to him or maybe she should take the time to think some of her words better before saying it, he had already assumed they were the same and used for the same purposes, which wasn’t exactly truth and that should have clued her enough into being a bit more clear with her words and not just let some of her emotions take over, clearly certain things didn’t changed for her either.

“The pain of physical training is a different deal, Bucky, the one that’s inflicted on you to punish you or I don’t know force you to accept an idea or behavior or certain aspects of your training, the one that’s deliberately inflicted to you for those purposes that’s the pain I meant, the pain of training and physical restrain from a mission is something I can’t prevent.” But she wasn’t sure if they were going to allow him to train, maybe she could see if they allow him to at least take boxing or something. “Oh well…”

Before she could say anything else about that he stood up and went to the observation window, with a small shake of her head she stood up as well and followed him. “Now Bucky, you can’t blame them if I get hurt, I told you things can happen and they might not have anything to do with it, sometimes if I get hurt it could be my fault as well, you know.”

[disassembling]

So, that was it? He wasn't going to be punished, but he could experience everything else? That seemed odd to him still because behaviour modification was always presented to him as a new sort of training, a discipline for rebelling in a mission, though he never actually disobeyed a direct order. He bridled sometimes, but never did more than throw his head around to test the restraints so to be speak.

"When will they train me? When will I be able to stretch my muscles properly? I won't be much use if I continue to lose muscle mass," he said simply and logically. He did move around and practice what he could in his cell, but it wasn't the same. It didn't require anything particularly difficult from him, though he did it as much as he could anyway. "Do they not modify your behaviour with pain?"

He looked at her, turning away from the window after his declaration, though he wasn't about to take it back. "Their mission, their responsibility. It's just a good thing you heal fast," he said and fingered at her healing flank.

[eleutheria]

“I am not sure; they haven’t told me anything about it.” And she had a feeling that they were not going to do so till they were sure that he wasn’t going to attack them or try to escape or cause any sort of trouble, but she knew that being idle was something he wasn’t entirely happy about and she could understand him, being idle was something she hated and one of the reasons she spent so much time on a punching bag, maybe she should consider that with him. “I will try to see if that can’t start with at least something basic for the moment.”

She did a double take at his last question and nearly frowned again. “No, they don’t do that kind of things here.” Or so far she didn’t thought they did, she was sure in the past Peggy wouldn’t have allowed something like that at all, but they had no qualms in using Bucky against her to make her stay.

“Well part of the responsibility is mine.” She tried not to react much or at least not in a way she had used to react when he touched her in the past, they didn’t needed that kind of complication now or possible ever, but she allowed him to touch her and was thankful the wound was probably healed already. “One of the perks of the serum I guess.”

[disassembling]

While was used to not being told about things that were outside of his 'need to know', he thought that she was living a different life but it sounded he same as his. The more she spoke on things, the more it seemed like she only had an illusion of freedom. He wondered if she realized it but decided not to say anything about it right now. "I do the best I can in my room. I will make do." He didn't want her to get into trouble.

They didn't? He raised an eyebrow at her but left the subject alone. If it wasn't going to happen, that was fine. If it didn't, he could bear it just fine.

"Then take better care to dodge," he said coolly as his finger brushed over the injury, not being particularly merciful about his probing until he was certain that it had mostly healed up. "One of many no doubt."

[eleutheria]

She sighed just a bit, it annoyed her to be so limited to what she could and couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t very well go and tell him that the reason he was so restricted was because they didn’t trusted him at all, but she wasn’t sure if it was better for him to think he was going to also be treated as a weapon by them, they were trying to break him down from whatever had been done from him and according to Fury or from what she had understood in between the lines, it had been done before. “I will still see what I can do; of course I can’t promise anything but I will try.”

Maybe if she got him to agree to focus on that, not try to use what he was given as weapons and try to escape or hurt anyone, Fury might agree to something even if it was the most minimal, as it was the main priority was to keep Bucky contained and under their watch, she was more than aware, since that first meeting someone might try to reclaim him.

“…Sometimes I don’t try to dodge, not if it keeps other people safe.” She briefly remember when she took a shot for him in the past, acting as a literal shield to keep him from harm and how pissed he had been at her for it. She hissed when he poked at her side, it was still sore and she didn’t appreciated the unmerciful way he was prodding.

[disassembling]

He shrugged with indifference, aware that they would treat him however they were going to treat him, and he had little choice in the matter. It wasn't like people came into his room except to put food down and gently inquire about his state of health. The first week of meals had ended up in the toilet, his body not used to that kind of solid food. He made do now, but beyond meals, they left him alone. "I expect nothing," he clarified.

He paused in his probing at her words, his eyes lifting from inspection to stare at her. His eyebrows knit together before he inhaled sharply as hazy memories exploded a headache in his temples. He stayed on his feet, but his eyes went glassy and a sheen of sweat broke out on his skin as he hung his had a bit. She took a bullet for him... when was that? He hadn't been happy about. Was it because he could heal... no it was before he shrugged off injuries.

"...you..." he hissed and stepped away from her, shaking his head as if to rid it of an annoying sound. "You took a bullet for me...?"