Out of the freezer

[disassembling]

What: AU where The Winter Soldier is found by SHIELD before CA: TWS and settled in with an agent.
Warnings: Just tl;dr. It is my specialty.


Trains weren't generally a source of overland transport anymore, not with planes so conveniently available, but there were points where subtly was required more than quickness. There were less questions about trains, fewer looks with the amount of goods moved into a country so more was able to get through. It was easier to pay people off in shipping yards to look the other way while important items were shifted in and out.

If it had been known early in the process that his superiors had known that an agent had defected and tipped off that there were weapons being moved in from Russia, he would have been removed from the train. Too little, too late though, and the train was hit with SHIELD looking for both intelligence and weapons from the Soviets. It wasn't until a STRIKE team had made it towards the back of the train that some members suddenly realized that their mission had just gotten a lot more complicated.

Cryostasis was a process developed out of the 1940s, though perfected over the years by the Soviets first and then the Americans. Of course, it only worked on him, others never coming up from the surface again because their bodies were advanced enough to cope with the strain on the body and the healing powers required to make it back out of deep freeze. He was special because he was a weapon, made that way to survive the worst conditions. So he bubbled up as he was thawed from the inside out in a process that took hours generally but could be sped up.

Speeding up the process left him disoriented and intractable, irritated and violent. It was fine when enemies of the organization were kicking in the door and shooting the scientists in charge of thawing him. The damage was done though, the anti-freeze drug fast acting in his body as his muscles became suffused with warm blood and his lungs filling with a deep gasping breath as he arched, his blue eyes unfocused as men yelled orders, called in findings. It was all a blur to him.

Someone touched his cold flesh shoulder, but they were gone in the next minute as his metal arm swung around and slammed into the man's gut, blasting him away. He rolled from the chair, acting only on instinct as he grabbed the nearest object - metal table and threw it into a group of men raising their guns. He fought them; worse, he killed them until another team moved in and manhandled him to the ground. Someone did something; a familiar voice called a set of words that made him relax and stand down, so he did.

He was blind-folded, cuffed from wrist to elbow so his shoulders were forced to bow in awkwardly, but his legs were left free so that they could walk him into the SHIELD medical facility where many interested parties had gathered in the time it took to transport him. News had circulated and damage control had not been fast enough where the fact a man was found half-frozen on a train. If he had had his memories of his other life, he might have found it ironically he was found on a train.

The only words spoken above whispered tones was that there had been another similarly unfrozen a few years before. "Call them in. Maybe give us a clue on stabilizing this guy." He was pulled off, seated and chained to a bed in a padded room. With the blindfold off, he knew he could break down the door if he was ordered to. He was deemed too 'unstable' to be in a more populated area, so he was caged and observed.

Damage control indeed. Where were his orders and mission debriefings?

Comments

[disassembling]

Things were not going as they were supposed to; this was not the wake up that he thought that he would be getting. There were no cues, no debriefing, no handler to point him in the direction that he needed to go and let him off leash to do his mission. No, he was in a cage, bound and muzzled and she was here giving him information that no one had ever bothered to give him. No, she was giving him information that people specifically avoided letting him know about, and he would have been suspicious about her motivation to do so except she seemed to be struggling as much with him as he was with her.

"Let me out of these restraints, and I'll do it myself," he said softly, flexing his arms for real this time rather then his little tests against the locking mechanism. It was strong, very strong, but the locking mechanism also had a flaw to it that he could easily exploit. "There's no need to turn up the warmth in here; it will only make it worse."

He waited, expecting some kind of mission, some kind of debriefing to take the edge off of the situation. Something familiar, anything familiar. Yet, he went very still at the idea there was nothing coming down the line for him. Why was he thawed then? "I don't get thawed without a mission objective. What is it?"

[eleutheria]

In the back of her mind she wondered if SHIELD had information about him, something, anything there had to be something considering what she had been told about him, if there was she was going to need to watch that and try to be better prepared for next time since she was sure there was going to be a next time, Fury wouldn’t have brought her here without hoping for a next time and now that they knew it was someone she knew, they were probably going to involve her as much as they could on whatever they planned to do with him and she was going to allow it just to make sure he was fine, SHIELD had stumbled upon what will effectively tie her to them.

Her fingers tightened against her forearms again, it was starting to hurt a bit now. “I am sorry but I can’t do that, Bucky.” Not that she didn’t wanted to do so, but she wasn’t sure if she could trust him free just yet and she didn’t had the means to release him anyway, besides she was sure SHIELD wouldn’t be too happy if she did. “What do you need to do then?”

“This is a different situation, Bucky.” There was not a lot that she could say now, she couldn’t give him an objective here –mostly because she didn’t wanted to do so, she didn’t saw him as the weapon he was created and still thought himself to be. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

[disassembling]

He admitted that he wasn't surprised by her denial to let him up, to release him from the metal around his forearms and the chains that forced him to stay in place. He actually would have been more surprised if she had let him go, risked being with him unbound and free. So far she had done nothing to warrant his violence, but there were not many situations where he was treated this way either. Thankfully he didn't remember most of them, preferring to be blank so he could do the mission and shake off familiarity. "These restraints won't hold me long if I decide I don't want them on. I just need to move around, work my muscles."

He would have liked to point out that it wasn't a different situation at all, just that the room was slightly altered. He didn't because, in his own way, he was still expected to have someone come in and give him the mission objective, the target and the intelligence for where it would happen. Her question though caused him to glance at the camera up near the roof. "Waking up in a train," he said simply. "I killed people there."

[eleutheria]

She just raised an eyebrow at the admission about the restraints and she wasn’t sure if she should be surprised or not, sure it raised a lot of questions about it, most of all about what kind of method he might use to get them off or if he was going to use shrill strength to accomplish so. “Yet you have been in then what could be considered long enough and you haven’t tried to get them off just yet.” Something that if what he said was truth, could have been done a long time ago –which she somehow had no doubt was the truth and she suspected Fury at the least might suspect it. “I will talk with them about taking those off without having to resort to that and hurt the pride of whoever created those restraints thinking no one could work themselves out of them”

To her credit she didn’t looked shocked or horrified of hearing him say something like that so easily, it’s not as if they haven’t done it before, they had killed people in the war, she had killed people and that was a knowledge nor actions that couldn’t be changed, even though he sometimes hadn’t particularly liked that fact, but that wasn’t for here or now. “Sounds about right,” She pondered on the situation a bit more and just sighed. “Like I told you, there’s not a mission objective for you, at the moment as we are currently overseeing other issues, so you will just need to be patient with this new alteration of the usual procedures.”

[disassembling]

She was a logical person, but something about him bothered her and he didn't know what it was. He thought of asking questions in return, but the policy of his handlers was that he was to listen and listen well and if there was permission, he could ask things. Otherwise, listen and answer any questions that were presented to him. Though, he had been in the cuffs for a long time, but it certainly wasn't because he thought they could hold him. He was in them because the last command he had been given on the train was to behave and be calm. He nodded his head a little at the idea she would vouch for him enough to try to convince someone to let him up.

So, there was no mission objective, he was tied down to a bed, he was speaking with someone who at least pretended familiarity with him and told him his name. This was exactly opposite to how missions were supposed to start, and it made him uncomfortable. "I have patience," he said simply, shifting to settle his bound arms to his thighs and seemingly to rest there. He would wait because she told him he had to, because they hadn't abused or tortured or interrogated him. Right now, patience was about all he had.

[eleutheria]

At the very least he was cooperative, that or he was too used to just following whatever that could kind of pass as an order to try to put much of a fight for it and she couldn’t help the small pang at that, while she had given him orders during their time in the commandos and missions, they had been completely and totally different when they were out of that zone and…NO, she couldn’t think about that right now. “If I do manage to convince them, I want you to let whoever will come to get you out of those cuffs do it without any issue and don’t try to harm or kill them once you’re free, understood?”

She doubted she was going to be the one sent to release him from that, the more than likely outcome will be that once she was out of the room, Fury will sweep down and get a hold of her to try to demand an explanation while she did the same regarding him. Still she smiled at him, maybe not like she used to smile at him before when they were in private only the two of them without the rest of the world watching, it was the smile she had used for when they were in public but she doubted he will know the difference right now. “I know you do, Bucky, and I appreciate it.”

[disassembling]

He stared at her for a long moment when she thought it prudent to tell him that he had to keep his hands to himself for anyone who let him out of restraints. He simply thought that anyone letting him out would be the type of person who had full command over him to begin with and would give him the mission objective that he was supposed to have gotten back on the train. Unfortunately, dead men didn't tell and those who had been waking him where long in the ground by now. "If they offer the right cues, why would I kill them?" Such a stupid thing to expect of him.

He stilled where he sat at the smile that she offered him, eyes blinking slowly as he studied her expression for a long moment. No one had ever really smiled at him before, no one that he remembered anyway. People kept their distance or a very stern manner with him; he was a weapon after all. He found it strange that he knew her sincerity as well. "Who are you?" A look of surprise flashed across his face at going outside of his parameters to ask a question in the first place. He ducked his head quite suddenly, expecting in his own way one thing: pain.

[eleutheria]

She managed to keep her sigh in check and not let it escape her lips. “Better to be safe, than sorry I guess.” And well considering what she had heard had happened in the train, with him attacking and killing SHIELD agents, it was probably the best thing she could offer at the moment, as it was she wasn’t even sure if he was going to be allowed out of his restraints or not, but considering he had mentioned he could easily pry himself free from them, they will only be stalling the inevitable, and also there was the fact that while she might not like SHIELD, it didn’t meant she wanted to see more people dying at the hands of her lo---former best friend.

The look of surprise and the way he ducked his head were signs that she easily recognized, the signs of someone expecting to be hurt for talking out of line, she had seen it many times before and after the war, enough to be able to recognize the signs and to make the probable connection for his reaction. “No one is going to hurt you for asking questions, Bucky, this is after all a new situation for you and you’re either confused or don’t exactly know how to proceed now, so do not be worried about asking.” And she was going to make sure no one dared to hurt him if he did asked questions, she was going to try to make sure things went as smoothly as they could be for him. “As for your question my name is Stephanie Rogers.”

And she left it at that, she didn’t thought she could tell him right now that they had meet each other through most of their lives, all the things that they had gone through or the exact nature of the relationship that they both had in the past, that will be a lot of information and he seemed to be having enough trouble with just knowing his name, she will also need to accept the possibility that depending on things there will probably be things she will never be able to tell him.

[disassembling]

The idea of safety was foreign to him because it never mattered. Damage to him was something that was repaired or healed quickly and damage to others was either in the plan or an acceptable loss. He suspected that she knew in better detail what he had done on that train, how he had ruined bodies with an ease that left most people shooting at him to preserve their own lives. Killing was something that he did very well; killing was the reason he was thawed and he knew it.

He glanced at her from between strands of long dark hair, looking for deception in her words. Lessons were taught in pain, protocols followed to make him understand through the same way that he was a weapon. Yes, he had the same responses as a man, that pain would effect him, but it was a tool for behaviour modification. Yet, her assurances made him shift where he sat, wondering how long before she realized the danger that they were all in. "They will be coming for me," he said softly. "You had best be prepared for that."

He couldn't help but stare at her again at the offering of a name, and his curiosity peeked as the name seemed to fuel something inside of himself. His eyebrows drew together sharply, and he took his time to study her face more closely. "I know you," he said softly. He didn't know why he knew her, but he did. There was a stirring deeper inside of his mind, but he found it difficult to reason out what it might be. "I... know you," he repeated softly, confusion twisting his tone.

lol maybe fancy time skip trick or something.

[eleutheria]

Once again to her credit she didn’t react at his words and she kept calm in the face of his words, she had already been told the same anyway by Fury before she was allowed to come inside and talk with him. “We are quite aware of that and every measure is being taken to be prepared for it, as well as to ensure you’re not taken.” Though she was sure SHIELD had its own reasons to want to keep Bucky and she didn’t had to dwell much on it to know what those were, her motivations were going to be different of course, but that will mean having to finally bow down and associate herself with SHIELD.

There was also the fact that she wanted to know who had done this to him, who had taken the man she had known and loved, tore him down and reconstructed him into this being in front of her? She was sure whoever came to try to retrieve him was going to have those answers and she was going to get them. When he said that he knew her, despite the obviously confused tone and expression, she allowed herself to have a bit of hope that maybe he wasn’t as lost as she thought he was and that his memories might still be there, locked away but still there. “Yes, we know each other; we have for quite a long time.” A barely there smile appeared on her face. “It was always you and me, even when we had nothing we had each other.”

She would have wanted to tell him more or find out if he remembered something else, anything that could let her know his memories could be saved, but before she could say anything else the door to the room was opened and the message was clear ‘your time is up’ and she sighed before she looked at him. “I will see what I can do about the cuffs, alright? Just remember what I told you about being patience and don’t do anything reckless.”

With another last look she turned around to walk out of the room, not saying anything about coming again since she couldn’t be sure if she will be allowed, and didn’t flinched when the door closed behind her with finality and she was soon face to face with Fury, that was looking at her with a look that she was more than aware what it meant. “I suppose we have a long talk in front of us, so we might as well start, so shall we?” There was a curt nod before she moved to follow him, sparing one last look at the room Bucky was held in and hoping to be allowed the chance to help him.

Time skip it is

[disassembling]

They came unbidden, scorching his mind with little shards of pain and confusion, digging deep inside of his vulnerable mind. With nothing to occupy him, they came, twisting his head to the side, confusing and even frightening him with the little details that they twisted in his brain. Memories, little pieces of things long thought forgotten, filling up his empty mind. He remembered pain from his arm, remembered that scientists joyous smile at his discovery, remembered the cry of a female voice using his name, remembered a fall, a choking, drugs, a mission.

Those memories agitated him, confused him and set his teeth on edge. They had never happened before, yet he lived them in the bits and pieces they came in. Soon enough, he snapped the restraints when his calls for Stephanie went unanswered. The twisted metal was used to smash the camera that observed him before he ruined his apartment when there was still no response, tearing the bed, the table and a chair from their bolted down state, all the while snarling that he would see her. He stayed in the room because she told him to.

Eventually, he had keyed in on the observation window, his eyes unable to see but he could sense people there. He also knew he could break it. One week. He gave them one week to bring Stephanie to see him, or he was going to ruin this place and find her himself. That was an adequate time in his opinion, one the stuck to as he paced his 'cage', ignoring attempts to calm or sedate him or reinforce the door.

A week passed, and he simply slipped away, disappearing from his room as he had promised. Outside of it, he moved like a predator, removing people from his way but holding back from killing them. Eventually, to resist the temptation to smash more, he headed for the deepest shadows and lurked to search for Stephanie in the facility. Once he combed it, he would leave to search for her beyond. Certainly she must have know about these twisted memories; she said they knew each other.

[eleutheria]

Was Stephanie surprised that Bucky had been used as leverage to keep her in SHIELD? No, she hadn’t been, she had realized that was going to be the case the moment she had seen him, Fury was a clever man and he knew how to play his cards, so when he had asked her to do some small jobs here and there for SHIELD, as well as to agree to participate in a new and secrete initiative (one she hadn’t even been told all the details) in exchange of being made aware of whatever they might know of him and being involved, informed and consulted on what happened to him, she hadn’t hesitated to agree.

So when she had been sent on what was supposed to be a quick and simple mission with a small team, just to test her and her willingness to work with them, the only thing that had displeased her the most was that she hadn’t been able to talk with Bucky before leaving and the only thing she could do was be done with that as quickly as possible, which she had concluded wasn’t going to be that hard since it’s not as if was useless in a fight without her shield (despite what they had thought) and she ignored the stupid tight dark, dark blue uniform she was given, it was a shame someone else in the team had messed it up and the assignment had taken longer than expected.

In all of that mess, the rather desperate messages to reach them and get her to come back earlier had been missed or hadn’t even reached them, they had arrived a day late and she wasn’t exactly pleased. She was tired, she was wounded –not that such a thing was noteworthy since it was going to heal, but it wouldn’t hurt to go and have it checked it out, and she was pissed because if they were going to be her permanent team, she was going to need to change the way they worked and ASAP.

And it soon became clear that rest wasn’t going to be something she was going to have, she hadn’t even properly settled down from the trip and wasn’t even that far in the facility when she noticed or more like felt something was off, the flurry of movement and agents had clearly intensified, she frowned and forgot her plans to go to medical and moved in the direction where Bucky was held before two agents seemed to notice her and quickly approached her.

The look she gave the agents when she was informed that Bucky was gone or more like escaped had the agents probably close to a heart attack, while her expression wasn’t that outwardly dangerous she was glaring the fear of God into their hearts and it was probably something they were not going to forget soon. “…What?” Even her voice sounded so, so cold at the moment.

[disassembling]

[He had begun a systematic run down of the place where he was kept, breaking what got in his way, moving around in the shadows, ruining cameras to find him and slipping up into air ducts as often as he moved plainly in hallways. Patrols caught glimpses of him, even fired at him at one point when he watched him plainly and refused to stand down and go back to his cell. He doubted they had repaired it much anyway, and it couldn't hold him. He had no reason to go back; as soon as he ascertained that Stephanie wasn't here, he was leaving and making his own way to finding her.

Yet, in his travels he had gotten a hold of a radio and heard that they had contact from the team sent out and Stephanie was returning to the base. He knew that he no longer had to search, so he made his way to the entrance where teams were said to be brought in, lurking in the air duct despite how uncomfortably small it was and how hot it forced him to be. He watched, scampering men moving around preparing and calling orders and setting about locking down the place again when she arrived in. The relief in the people looking for him was palpable. They really thought that she could hunt him down, didn't they? That was humorous, since she would never have a need to hunt.

And then two agents came to stand just under his grate, explaining that he had just disappeared yet was probably still in the facility. The coldness in her voice almost made him weary, but he had needed to see her so much that he didn't care as he set a foot to the grate and punched it out, falling on the heads of the agents. His body followed gracefully, landing and crushing the two to the ground as he stood and stared at her. "You're injured," he hissed softly. "They said they would get you back, but they lied."

[eleutheria]

The agents were really, really lucky they were technically on her side now and she wasn’t in the need to smack them or anything, no, she was going to look at this in a very logical and level headed way, besides the fact they were reeking of fear was enough for now. They were probably locking down the building right now, not that she thought that might keep him inside if he had managed to escape from his room so easily, in the case he had left the building, she wasn’t sure how she was about to go in the process of finding him? He could have gone back to whoever had given him orders before, which she still didn’t know who it was since SHIELD was keeping that under wraps from her still.

She tensed just a bit at the sudden sound and the falling grate, barely managing to get out of the way while the rest of agents that were still around or close enough to hear, responded by stopping and pulling their guns when Bucky followed rather gracefully and she nearly winced when he further crushed the agents, but she was still a bit angry at them and just looked around for a bit at all the agents gathered around. “Oh look at that, it seems that I found him.” Her expression and voice was still rather cold and deadpan, enough to make everyone else wary. “Put down your weapons, they won’t be needed.”

Once again she had to glare for them to follow her orders before she dared to take a hold of Bucky, gripping the metal wrist and tugging him a bit to get him off the agents, it wouldn’t do if they got even more hurt and moved a bit away from everyone before letting go of his wrist. “You sure gave everyone quite a scare off and I don’t think that was necessary.” She looked at him, with a more open expression, clearly not angry at him. “And they told me, but communication where I was became difficult and we weren’t aware they were trying to contact me, so it was not their fault.”

[disassembling]

He heard the slide of guns from belts and holsters, but he ignored them. If anyone - anyone - took a shot at him, he would ruin them so quickly that there wouldn't be enough to send home in a match box. His focus was mostly on Stephanie and keeping his balance on two fallen men under a grate, and he shifted his shoulders at her deadpan expression and words. Had they really thought that he would do more than what he said that he would? He wanted Stephanie, and he was only set on finding her right now, which was pleasing that she was here.

He didn't resist her touch for the moment, stepping down from his perch without much care but just as casually slipping his metal arm from her grip. "It was necessary," he replied coldly. "I asked for you again and again, but they wouldn't even tell me where you were and when you would be back." His eyes flicked and assessed her wounds quickly, aware that she wouldn't die from them or be in too much discomfort.

Yet, her words were confusing. They had told her but she hadn't been aware of communications? "I needed you," he said softly. "I needed you here with me this last week."

[eleutheria]

In all of this mess, she wondered just where Fury was right now, she was sure someone was in charge but she had no idea who and since Fury hadn’t made a dramatic entrance just yet nor had been the one waiting for her to be the one to debrief better about the current situation with Bucky, she came to the conclusion the man was probably out doing…whatever else he did…and will more than likely make an appearance later and demand an explanation and try to upgrade the place Bucky was being contained at.

She made sure that for the moment the agents kept their distance from them, while she was sure they were being recorded, it was better than having everyone listening to whatever talk they were going to have. “Yes, I apologize for that, I was going to tell you I was going to be gone for a bit but I was sent right away.” And she had assumed someone had informed him, but she hadn’t expected him to react like this. “It’s going to happen on occasion, but I will make sure to let you know next time.” It was the only thing she could do since she couldn’t stop with the missions.

A small sigh escaped her lips when she noticed a quick glimpse of confusion and decided to explain better. “They did try to contact me in your stead, but those attempts failed while I was out there, I became aware of such attempts when I arrived here at the base.” Her expression changed at the rather soft tone he was using now and she became quite aware of the sudden painful pang in her hear. “I’m here now, Bucky. What happened this past week?”

[disassembling]

He twitched his shoulders slightly in the face of an apology, not particularly caring for it because no one ever apologized to him that he remembered. All he had wanted to know was where she was and when she would come back to help him sort out all of these things which grasped into his mind like fish hooks, pulling and jerking his mind painfully. He didn't want them, but he also knew that there was no escape from it either unless there was pain to take it all away again. It didn't seem like these people were going to use that method to force his cooperation.

"I should just go with you," he said softly. He flexed his hands at his sides, the metal of the plates of his arm shifting and beginning to overlap slightly with each other. "I'm better out in the field than in a cage. I could do much more than I did here."

He shuffled his shoulders a bit, filing the information away that he would not be able to contact her easily in the field when he was locked up. He didn't like that, didn't want to face all this change alone. Perhaps his handlers would come and take him away, and they would give him the mission that he had been unfrozen for. "It hurts," he murmured softly. "Bits and pieces of things long ago... I'm not allowed to remember beyond training and mission directives. I think I'm remembering things." He looked at her miserably. "I know you."

[eleutheria]

She noticed the light twitch in the face of her apology, clearly he was used to it and she was going to need to remind, to either avoid or work on getting him used back to that kind of things, it was going to be slow work but she was willing to do it. There wasn’t much of a reaction when he mentioned the possibility of going with her, she knew right off the bat that wasn’t going to happen or at least not till they were sure he could be trusted.

But she couldn’t deny that the offer was tempting, she had struggled just a bit knowing he wasn’t in the field with her and watching her back, which had made her realize how used she was of that teamwork they had developed, but she needed to give that up for the time being and she didn’t even know if they could work together like they did before. “I know, but regretfully that’s not for me to decide at the moment.”

She frowned just a bit at that comment, not being sure at first what exactly he had meant with that and then it finally clicked, the slow flow of memories was clashing with whatever had been done with him and she really couldn’t even begin to understand how that felt. “Yes, you do, we have known each other for a long time.” She said as softly as he did. “We’re going to work on your memories and getting them back, alright?”

[disassembling]

He wasn't used to being denied going out into the field. Normally, it was his only option, to range into missions and tear down opposition and his targets. He wasn't awake except for repairs or training, so the idea that he would be kept awake in a cage bothered him considerably. It would mean that all he could do was think when he preferred right now just being blank and only free to muse on details of a mission or recent training. If he was stuck in that room all the time... he thought he might go mad alone.

He had never forced the issue on a field mission either, and for now, he held his peace. He had never had power to force others to do what he wanted verbally. It was only when he was malfunctioning that people died, that his streak of violence went deep and uncontrolled. It was why he normally had armed escort. "Will I be awake for long then? I'd prefer... freezing then this."

He nodded at the idea that they had known each other, and that she was perhaps the only safe place right now. They would take her away, no doubt use her as bait for behaviour modification. He knew the drill well enough. "How long?" He watched her carefully, ignoring the other men calling in a report on his location and condition. "I don't... think that's wise. I don't know if I want to remember. I've been empty so long."

[eleutheria]

For a minute her body tensed at the question and the following comment, from what had been gathered from when he was found and what Fury had mentioned, apparently whoever had him before had been doing that to keep him alive, freezing them and then bringing him back when he was needed, she knew that SHIELD didn’t planned to do that, he still had a huge question mark on him, but if they thought he was a valuable asset as well they were going to keep them and that idea was enough to annoy her, she could deal with them using her for that but she will rather that Bucky was spared that for awhile.

“…You’re not going to go through that procedure again.” And she somehow felt a bit bad for saying that, in a way feeling as if she was taking away whatever respite he might have found with that, but she knew that was something that wasn’t going to happen again.

Her shoulders slump a bit, this topic was no better than the previous one. “Since we were children,” And that was as much she was going to tell him, she does keeps a careful eye on the men doing their reports and probably informing Fury directly. “We won’t do it right away, it will be slowly…” She stopped there for a bit and considered for a bit. “...But if you don’t want to remember that’s alright as well.”

[disassembling]

He supposed it wasn't within him to have a vain hope that they might put him back under and spare him having to pace a cage all day and night. He had never hoped for such a thing before and to be honest, he couldn't remember the last time he had sought and hoped for something in the first place. Still, cryostasis was something that was familiar and at this point, his existence was anything but something he was familiar with.

"No... I suppose they don't know how to do it correctly anyway," he muttered softly, letting hope die with it. He would remain awake and part of this place for as long as they decided he was worth keeping or until they could perhaps wipe him clean. No... he had to be vulnerable to use against her because she seemed sincere in wanting to care for him or at least be close to him. He was just a card to play right now.

He nodded at the idea that he had been a child before, something so far in the past he couldn't even imagine right now. "Maybe I'll remember that soon," he murmured with a shift of his shoulders. He looked at her, a frown of misery appearing before he bobbed his head a little. "Whatever... you think is best. You're... the only thing I know."

[eleutheria]

And now she was feeling even worse than before since God, she had know she was taking whatever hope he had left and that was the last thing she wanted, she sighed just a bit and crossed her arms a bit, wincing just a bit when that pulled the skin around her still mending wound. “If what…might bother you is the idleness, since I am quite aware you’re used to being rather active with all the missions you were sent to do…” And she couldn’t help but to have a quick flash of Howard’s face before pushing it away. “…maybe something could be done to keep you active.”

She really wasn’t sure what they could do to achieve that, they were not going to trust him with weapons or with anything that could pass for one, he will be more than capable to use them, but SHIELD had enough intelligent people to come up with a plan and she only hoped he didn’t asked her what it was, since she had no idea of what he could do.

“Yeah, maybe you will.” But considering that was bringing him pain and even more confusion, maybe it was better if he didn’t remembered it, the miserable look that appeared on his face didn’t helped her at all to ease the guilt. “…We don’t need to work on your memories, we will just focus on what’s going on now, so don’t worry about it.”

If she had to sacrifice all the memories they had together, their relationship and all to ensure he was fine, then she was going to do it and it was going to be enough to know he was as fine as he could be. She didn’t glared when one of the agents finally dare to approach her to inform her that they were going to take Bucky to a new room and she tried not to sigh again, as much as she wanted to ignore that, she was probably going to be on a tight spot with Fury for this move Bucky had pulled on them. “I’m sorry, I will try to talk with them about…trying to make your situation more bearable.”

[disassembling]

His eyes flicked over her at the wince, but he was used to standing with his own pain and injuries and making no complaints. Because she made no complaints and didn't seem particularly upset about them, he assumed that she was the same as him. That she lived through the pain, saw the other side, and thought little of the in between of healing quickly. "I was only thawed for missions," he said simply, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "They put training and behaviour modification around those times." He shifted his weight on his feet, glancing over to the agents nearby on high-alert. "Maybe they'll behaviour modify me soon."

He knew that behaving outside of the set parameters involved some kind of modification depending on his transgression and the reason for it. The only reason he knew because he felt it in his limbs, memory in his body, of blood and thrashing though no actual memory flashed before his eyes. The body remembered even if his mind didn't.

She was the only one who was legitimately kind to him, and he felt a connection to her. It was why he wanted to be closer to her than other people; it was safe with her. "I want to remember you more," he uttered softly, glancing again when the agent came closer. His left hand flexed but there was no threat to either of them so he said and did nothing more. So, he was going back to a little room, was he? He looked to her for direction. "If you aren't going to come and see me now and again, I won't stay in any room they make for me."

[eleutheria]

At this rate her wound was going to heal by itself before she had the time to go to medical or get what she needed to clean them up, which was mostly a force of habit for her than anything else since it never hurt to be safe than sorry, the pain and sting was something she could deal with, she had dealt with worse things after all. When he mentioned the training, she supposed that was something S.H.I.E.L.D could try to do at least in like small measures to keep him active, she did frowned at the modification deal. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

Or at least that better not happen, she wasn’t sure how that modification happened and she really supposed she didn’t wanted to know, but she might want to check on that and make sure they never tried it on him or she was going to riot.

A small smile, hopefully not a sad one, appeared on her face. “Just take your time with that, don’t push yourself yet for anything you might not be ready yet.” And it was sad, but she was going to let him take his time when it came to the memories, a small sigh escaped her lips. “Don’t worry, I will come and see you, alright? But you must also understand that I will be going away and you might need to be patient then.” She looked over at the agent and slowly nodded, getting a nod back before the agent started to lead them away. “Come on then, Bucky.”

[disassembling]

He raised an eyebrow at her, a far more human gesture than he was known for. He would have felt bad for her if she had any idea of the kind of things he had experienced to make him what he was now, but even he didn't entirely remember it. That was the point though, to grind his edge sharp but not give him reason to turn on anyone unless ordered to. He could think and reason on missions, but he wasn't allowed to malfunction without serious consequences.

He turned his head to eye the agent that seemed intent on leading him to a new cage. It was easier to stare at the man then look at her and know her disappointment with how little he knew of her. "If... I remember, will you fill in the blanks?" He knew he would have many of them, many empty spaces that would make swallowing the memories difficult and confusing.

"I'll be patient as long as I know you'll come back," he murmured and turned his body to follow along. He wondered if they were going to put him in cuffs again or just watch him pace or stare at walls.